Birth Announcements
by atonalremix
Summary: Five people from Mystic Falls that Klaus drunk-dialed (and one he almost didn't).


**Author's Note: **

This was primarily inspired by a recent episode of the Originals as well as an episode of TVD, where it was revealed that Klaus had Bonnie's phone number! Based off that, it stands to reason that Bonnie isn't the *only* person from Mystic Falls he kept in touch with...

The fic contains spoilers for season 5 of TVD, but doesn't spoil anything about the Originals (mainly because I don't *keep up* with the Originals.)

* * *

**i. Matt Donovan**

For the first time in the past two and a half years, Matt Donovan hadn't been bothered by the supernatural. No vampires had threatened his bar; no werewolves had rampaged through town; not even a witch had cast a spell. All of his friends were busy dealing with their own shuffling drama, and in the scuffle, Matt had been left to his own devices. It was - in a word - perfect. Maybe he could even catch the game after work! Tyler had wanted him to record it anyways, "_as a reminder that sometimes, I'm a normal guy that watches the game at the end of the day._"

His shift would end in a few minutes, and he could take dinner home to go. All he had to do was breathe, pour the tourists a drink, and put on that charming Donovan smile. Just as he had washed the counter, his phone rang.

Matt stared at the number, at the 'Blocked' caller ID, and hesitantly picked up. "Hello?"

"Matty Blue-Blue!"

Uh.

Matt glanced down at his phone, then tried to fight back the confusion in his voice, "... Klaus? What the hell do you want?"

"Guess who's a father now?"

Did he just wander into an episode of _Dark Shadows_? Because last he checked, vampires couldn't have children, nor could they get people pregnant. His life had to be some sick joke from a soap opera and- "Are you and Rebekah still together? I was thinking, since you're now an uncle..."

Matt groaned, resisting the urge to rub his temples. "We broke up like a few months ago. Klaus, congrats on your... baby?" Was Klaus drunk? "But uh, but I've gotta go-"

"Come on, at least-"

"Golly gee, look at the time! I'll call you later!"

Matt hung up on him and sighed at the now-empty bar. Maybe if he just pretended that phone call never happened, he'd still have his world's longest record. Couldn't they just let him watch his damn game in peace?

**ii. Tyler Lockwood**

Between the Travelers nonsense, the awkward break-up with Caroline, and now the inevitable struggle of finding a college that would accept him for the next fall, Tyler was more than a little stressed. He didn't really have the desire to attend the University of Virginia, either: while it was a good state school, he would be too far from Matt, and he couldn't afford to leave his best friend behind. Whitmore was completely out of the question. Caroline had wedged herself into every social group, from Active Minds to Greek Life, and Tyler was intent on a new life without the heartache of his ex-girlfriend. He had some relatives up in Springville, Maine - his cousins had just moved there - and theoretically, he could attend college nearby without too much fuss.

In the end, he'd decided to call both UVA and University of Springville to weigh his options. Right after he'd hung up with UVA's admissions committee, his phone rang again. Tyler warily stared at the blocked caller ID, before he hesitantly answered. "Hello?"

Loud swearing ensued on the other side, before a wary, "You aren't Caroline."

Tyler groaned. Loudly. "Will you give it a fucking rest, Klaus?"

"I didn't exactly _try_ to call you, you imbecile."

"And yet you still have me on your speed-dial." Besides, wasn't he too busy dealing with the covens and the werewolf pack down in New Orleans? What the hell would he need Caroline for? "Care's not your plaything either. Seriously? What would you-"

Wait. Why was he even giving this jackass the time of day?

"I never said she was! I just thought it was important for her - and you, I guess - to know I'm a father now!"

"Sooo... you're making birth announcements by phone instead of sending them out by mail. You're really keeping it classy here. Oh and by the way? If you're going to tell Caroline that you had a _kid_, you might want to do that in person. Oh wait, that's right, you can't, because you decided to have mad passionate SEX with her."

Why was he even having a serious conversation with this douchebag? Tyler groaned again, before hanging up and flinging his phone across the room. When it rang again, he didn't bother to pick up. He wasn't exactly sure who in their right mind had given Klaus Mikaelson his number, but whoever it was, Tyler would make sure they were in for a world of pain.

**iii. Bonnie Bennett**

The Other Side was collapsing, and there was nothing she could do about it. No matter how many grimoires she read, no matter how many spirits she asked... no one had the answers to her burning questions. No one had ever dealt with the collapse of the Other Side. Not even Tessa, and Bonnie was pretty damn sure that girl cared about losing Silas to Amara's clutches. As long as everyone thought otherwise, Bonnie knew she could put on a brave face.

Her phone had started to become a landmine. She had started to screen calls weeks ago, back when Elena had lost her mind over her break-up with Damon. As much as she loved Elena, she could only take so much about her whining about Damon. Maybe if she hit Elena over the head with a book, her best friend would get the picture.

So when her phone rang, Bonnie cautiously peered down at the caller ID. Since the number was blocked, it couldn't be anyone from Mystic Falls. For God's sake, she even had Damon on her speed-dial. (She never thought that day would actually come.)

It couldn't be her mother; it couldn't be anyone from Whitmore; so maybe it was the anthropology internship she had just applied to? Bonnie answered with baited breath, "Hello?"

"Hello, sunshine."

Bonnie groaned inwardly. "Hi Klaus." Sure, she had kept Klaus's number from the last time he had visited, but she hadn't realized his number registered as 'blocked'.

"Is that the proper way to greet someone? Because last I checked, you were a lot more polite."

If Klaus's voice weren't so slurred, Bonnie would have cursed in his face. As it was, she settled for visualizing his entire body on fire. In a volcano. "Kinda busy here. The Other Side's collapsing, remember?"

He laughed, not unkindly. "You'll deal with it. You always cast a spell to get the idiots out of their troubles, from what I recall."

When he put it that way... his newfound affection troubled Bonnie more than she wanted to admit. She frowned, grateful that he couldn't see her face. "My friends aren't idiots. What do you want?"

"Is there a spell to make babies stop crying? My littlest wolf won't stop and-"

"And I _really_ don't need the details of your love life right now. Good night." Hastily, she ended the call and flopped back onto her bed with a loud 'thud.'

She wasn't exactly sure what she had expected when she answered the phone, but that wasn't it.

**iv. Caroline Forbes**

All her life, Caroline had eagerly looked forward to her sorority's formal. She had proudly rushed into Alpha Beta Theta, befriending her Big (and her Grandbig) and even managed to acquire all the gear in three different colors! She truly loved her new Sisters, even if she had to hide her fang-y secret from them. Sisters weren't supposed to keep secrets from each other, but she was pretty sure that this one was important enough to risk.

"What do you think?" She asked Bonnie, twirling around in her formal dress in their shared dorm room. The dress was nothing super-special - a floor-length pink dress - but it was beautiful enough for Formal, and she was absolutely certain her date would love it. "I was thinking it didn't exactly scream, 'I want to get laid,' but it-"

"It's perfect." Bonnie grinned, glancing up from her Anthropology notes. "I really think he'll like it. And if he doesn't, he's kinda stupid."

"Excellent!" Caroline clapped her hands eagerly. "Now that we've got that settled, I'm gonna finish my make-up and-"

Her cell phone rang. Caroline stared at it confusedly - she wasn't expecting a call - before rushing towards her bedside table. "Should I?"

Bonnie nodded, rising to her feet. "I'll head to the common room."

The second Bonnie rushed out the door, Caroline grabbed it and answered, "Hello?"

"Hello, sunshine."

Caroline's shoulders stiffened. "What the hell do you want?"

"I thought you should hear the news from me first, before your hybrid ex-boyfriend - who, by the way, really needs to learn manners - blabs it all."

"What news?" Dread washed through her entire body. What the hell was he talking about? Had he gone on another manslaughter onset? Had he decided to kidnap innocent girls? Had he-

"I'm a father."

Had he gone completely and totally insane? Caroline giggled. Loudly. "No way. You can't be a father, you're kind of a weird hybrid-thing. Unless you mean you adopted a kid? In which case, that's kinda weird."

"I'm completely serious, sweetheart. She's my bio... biologic..." Now he was just tripping over his words as his slur grew thicker. "She's my flesh and blood!"

"You might want some rest, Klaus. I think you're kinda drunk." Caroline said, in-between giggles. Man, this jerk could really be a good comedian! Vampires having babies, psh. They didn't exactly live in _Twilight_!

"Caroline..."

She pulled herself together long enough to say, "Seriously. Congrats on the kid, but you might want to return it to its parents."

As she ended the call, Bonnie peered through the doorframe. "Who was it?"

Caroline gave her best friend a casual shrug. "Wrong number. No one important." If the wrong number had half a brain, he would know better than to call her again - especially if he was so wasted he lacked common sense. Vampire pregnancies, really?

"Now," she said with a flourish, finishing up her make-up. "I am going to head out, and I'm going to have fun with my date, and you're gonna kick butt on your exams."

Bonnie giggled. "That's the spirit!"

It's the spirit Caroline would have to have, frankly, if Klaus really wouldn't let her go. Honestly, sometimes, he was the absolute worst.

**v. April Young**

The night before her AP Psych exam, April felt on top of the world. She'd studied hard for this exam all year - taken the practice tests, aced all her exams, and now she would just take a deep breath and review her material one last time. She could do it! Rebekah had sent her a care package, filled with her favorite sweets, from an address that April didn't recognize.

_I figure,_ Rebekah had written in a neat scrawl that betrayed her age, _It's the least I could do. I'll see you in two weeks when you graduate from high school! So proud of you getting into University of Virginia._

April was incredibly proud of herself too. While she was currently living with distant relatives in Alexandria, Virginia, she had missed Rebekah dearly. Mystic Falls had been one incredibly strange town, with all of its supernatural homing beacons, and she had desperately wanted to escape as far away from the chaos as she could. Thankfully, her mom's cousin was more than willing to house her for a semester, and April had gotten a decent scholarship to UVA.

As she was inspecting the last box of sweets from Rebekah, her phone vibrated. April glanced cursorily at her phone, answering it without even bothering to look up the ID. "Hello?"

"Bex darling?"

"Huh?" April stared blankly at the blocked caller ID. That sure was an unfamiliar, masculine voice, but he had an accent that was vaguely reminiscent of Rebekah's. "This isn't Rebekah's number. Can I ask who...?"

"Oh, right, you're her little human friend." The voice yawned. "The one graduating high school this year? Because let me tell you, my darling little sister needed some good friends in her life..."

Rebekah had four brothers, right? April paused, trying to narrow down exactly which one was desperate enough to call her in search of Rebekah. Finn was dead, so it couldn't be him. "You're... Elijah, right?"

The voice guffawed so loudly that April had to hold out her phone about a good six inches from her ear. "_Please._ You mean she hasn't told you all about me? Because I certainly know about you, dear April..."

Okay, scratch that one off. April thoughtfully tapped the box of sweets against her desk. "Kol?"

Silence was her only reply. For a good ten seconds, April thought the line had been cut off. As she was about to hang up, the voice pitifully asked, "Has she really told you nothing?"

"Sorry?" April winced. "I just... I don't know what you guys sound like. It's not like she bothered to introduce me to you."

The voice sighed exasperatedly. "When will she learn? Just for that, I'm attending your high school graduation. That's... this coming Friday, right?"

April almost choked on empty air. "Please don't."

"Oh, I'm not going to bite anyone. DC people usually work for the government, and I can't exactly afford that at the moment." Before she could even interrupt him, the voice continued, "Now, what kind of graduation dinner would you like?"

He had to be kidding her. First he wants Rebekah, now he's trying to barge in on her life and act like he had some kind of connection with her? April could barely keep her voice together. "How about you just don't come? I am so sick and tired of you supernatural people waltzing into my life-"

"We're not _waltzing_, we're caring." The arrogance in his voice was entirely unmistakable. "After all, any friend of my darling Rebekah deserves the best."

In what world?

April groaned. "Fine, but only because I can't stop you. Just don't kill anyone, okay? I happen to like this school."

"As long as they're not government employees." The voice paused for a millisecond, "Klaus."

"What?"

"My name is Klaus. I'll be sure to grab a present." Without another word, he hung up, leaving April to stare down blankly at her phone and her psych notes. She wasn't exactly sure what had just happened, but for her sake, she really hoped those stupid vampires wouldn't kill everyone in sight.

**vi. Stefan Salvatore**

Just when Stefan thought he'd gotten his life under control, the world had to conspire against him. First he learned that like Elena, he was technically a doppelganger, and that there was supposedly some prophecy that dictated that two doppelgangers were destined soulmates. If that were the case, though, he and Elena would have never dated. She would have met Thomas Avery in Atlanta, and they would've bonded over waffles and science classes and a completely normal life.

Tom was the one that deserved Elena, not him, and now Thomas was dead in the effort to save their lives. Since when did Stefan stand for killing an innocent, just for their sake? He wasn't sure, and the thought was starting to taint his mind.

He couldn't stop seeing the blood on his hands. No matter how much he was tempted to yell about "the damned spot" that just wouldn't come out, he bit on his tongue. No one appreciated Shakespeare references anymore.

As he continued to prepare for the chaos ahead, his phone vibrated. Stefan ignored it, reaching up for another book and pouring through its contents. Then it rang loudly. Still, Stefan ignored it. If the person truly needed him, they'd leave him a voice message.

It wasn't until much later - until he was leaving the house to hunt - that he noted the alert for a new voicemail from a blocked number. Cautiously, Stefan listened to it.

"So I'm a father now," A familiar voice confided in him, sounding almost terrified as he whispered through the phone. "I'm a father and it's _freaking me out_, Stefan. I can't be a father. For God's sake, I couldn't even take care of Marcel. I took hundreds of years to give Rebekah the freedom she deserves, I couldn't..." He inhaled sharply. "I couldn't even be a proper friend to you."

"Klaus..." Stefan ran a hand through his hair. He was absolutely certain that Klaus was wasted, because under no other circumstances would he openly admit to any of this, and yet... and yet he wished he could rush over to New Orleans.

Undeterred, the voice continued, "I know this may not mean much, mate, but... if you're ever taking a break from saving the world, try to drop by. I'm sure my baby girl would love to meet you."

The voicemail ended, leaving Stefan to stare at his looming pile of books. "I could always use a study break," he said quietly to himself, reaching for a jacket and his car keys. As long as he didn't tell everyone his exact location, he was certain no one would notice.

After all, it wasn't every day his former best friend became a father.


End file.
